They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
