i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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