Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
