The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
