and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
