I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
