ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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