Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Randomize
