I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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