and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
