can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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