I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Randomize