How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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