i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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