Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
