you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
