so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
