I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
