My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize