He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
