ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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