I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
