The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize