i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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