sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
