I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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