Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
operation harelip BJ is a go
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
