Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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