i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
