I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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