Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
