i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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