I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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