Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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