Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
It was confusing and full of hummus
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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