Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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