You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
