Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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