WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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