Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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