no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
