I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Come share oat with me in your robe
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
