He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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