you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize