half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
