So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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