i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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