So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
