If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
