yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
