At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
