you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize