She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
how does that bad decision feel?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
