I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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