is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
