my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
