All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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