I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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