the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
