Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
