I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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