I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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