There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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