I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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