All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
