You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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