the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I did not marry a roomba.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize