he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
