Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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