My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
