Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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