New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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