He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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